21 and 16 year olds dating, is it okay? - relationships taboo underage | Ask MetaFilter
When dating, determining the maximum age gap is like trying to find out how tall a tree happens to be. posted by phrontist at AM on December 26, Right now you'd be a twenty one year old guy dating a girl in high school -- doesn't. Dating. Early 20s: OMG, does he/she like me baaaaaaack?! We hooked up Date Night. Early 20s: This is a thing old people do, right? Late 20s: The.
The kitchen Early 20s: A place that holds my microwave. A place that holds the ingredients I will use to prepare meals with my own hands. A clean kitchen Early 20s: My actual idea of torture would be if someone forced me to go to sleep before I was able to clean my kitchen. Interior decorating Early 20s: How much is that couch? Free off the street?I'm 18 With A 15 Year Old Girlfriend!!!
If my apartment does not look like an infusion of West Elm and Anthropologie, then someone is going to get cut. Meh, too much effort. Also, everything fucking hurts. Something I drink to offset all the alcohol in my body. Something I drink because my body is no longer working on autopilot and the struggle to survive is real. Fancy, casual, ones with black and white stripes, bowls of varying depth: Things to drink other things with Early 20s: I have red wine and white wine glasses, champagne flutes, juice carafes, coffee mugs, tea mugs, espresso cups.
Basically, there is no drink you can throw my way that my cabinet does not have a proper container for. Come at me, beverages! You mean like putting my papers into binders and shit? I may have actually gotten turned on the last time I was in The Container Store. Take me home, varying sizes of plastic containers that come with adhesive labels!
Whyyyyyy mom, are you dragging me to this at 8: Date Night Early 20s: This is a thing old people do, right? My entire day and possibly my week will be ruined if I do not get minimum 8 hours of REM cycle sleep. Plus, who needs a planner? I live and die by spontaneity! It's not just possible, but probable, that it's not really you she likes, but the simple fact that a year-old man is paying even the smallest bit of attention to her.
Teenagers get very bored very easily. These relationships rarely work in the long run.
The New Rules for Teen Dating
There are exceptions, of course, but in my opinion, even if you're totally in love with her, this is a very, very bad idea. I feel like I had plenty of self-confidence and positive sexual awareness at that age, but I remember being attracted to other people in their mid-teens rather than older people.
I can't begin to read her mind any more than the rest of the people in this thread canbut just from what you're saying, it sounds like she's not even necessarily expressing sexual interest in you. Beyond your own attraction to her, you're also being forced to think of this in sexual or potentially-sexual terms by a few other factors the laws, the fact that her dad's a cop. I think the best thing you could do is stay her friend and give her your support and advice as she navigates the landscape of relationships and sex in college.
I think it's really sad that some people in this thread are saying you can't be her platonic friend and should drop all interaction with her. But I do think you need to consider your relationship carefully and communicate with her VERY clearly from now on. I think men have an easy time picking up younger women. Younger women, in my experience, want to learn everything that a more mature man can teach them. In the teens, a single year makes a big difference in terms of maturity.
Seven secrets of dating from the experts at OkCupid
You've gone through the experiences of living on your own, finding work, and supporting yourself financially and emotionally. A year-old still has Mommy and Daddy's support to fall back on if anything should go wrong. You're well beyond that point-- do you want to have to sneak your girlfriend out of her parent's house to stay out late? Want to take her to get drunk with your friends? You're at different stages of life; its not to say that you can't love her or share an emotional bond, but I think it will be a fragile bond due to the difference in maturity and the barriers created by the law and social norms.
She's probably enamored with you because you have so much more experience than her, which I entirely understand. But at some point, you'll want someone who understands your experiences and can teach you a thing or two. Its easy for older guys to pick up younger women-- but I'm not sure if they satisfy our needs. I mean it - do not EVER let yourself be in any situation where the two of you are alone - without witnesses - in a social setting.
For her protection, and for yours. No matter how honorable your intentions or hersthere may be other people who may try to turn any opportunity into a chance to "get" you. Whatever you do together, do it in public - go to the zoo, concerts, parks, etc. In your case 0. Sorry, looks like you have to wait till you're 23 and she's Yeah, I know it's not a real rule but it does have a certain intuitive appeal.
B On the other hand if you can keep it non-nude for a couple of years, then that's ok too ; posted by singingfish at 5: There is really no upside to having this relationship at this point. Arizona society has issued its opinion on the issue, wrong or not. You can fight City Hall on this concept, and maybe win, but it still means a fight.
Fights are costly and since the 'other guy' is much bigger, your chances are slim to none in prevailing. Its wiser to avoid a fight. What's truly remarkable about Mr. Blackout, is that you are doing it in advance! This will come in handy over the next few decades. Congratulations on making a good choice and taking care of both of you. Are you freaking serious? When true love knocked on my door, she'd just barely turned sixteen; And I was a little bit nervous, if you know just what I mean.
But I heard somewhere that true love conquers all, and figured that was that, then I started havin' dreams 'bout bein' chased out of town wearin' nothing but my cowboy hat. I said, "No deal We did not actually have sex, though it was very difficult. In the end, despite that she was very mature for fifteen, the age difference wound up being a problem. This is a distinct possibility that complicates things further.
Shame about the law, but there it is.
A friend of mine dated a girl that was under 18 in Phoenix, AZ. He was probably 19 or This was a few years back, so I don't remember exact age. But, he got consent from the parents and started dating this chick. A month down the road, he pissed the girl off, which in turn pissed off the parents and they took it to the cops. They warned him to stay away, but how could he? He already spent a month dating this chick like every day and he wanted to work things out.
And you know she probably only stayed upset for like a day or two, while the parents never forgot. So while trying to work things out picking her up from school, taking her out more, etc he somehow ended up in prison for few years.
I guess the moral of the story is that parents can change their mind about consent while you too are deeply in love. Especially with this discussion here, now, in the public record. There were upsides and downsides but ultimately it didn't work out. I couldn't go to bars with him which was a pain. His friends' girlfriends were older and thought I was too young and weren't particilarly nice about it. He wanted to have sex and I didn't want to.
In my world this was normal and in his world it totally wasn't. When I stayed out late with him it was, again, normal for him and really not normal for me. In fact, my Mom flipped out once when I came home at 3 am and threatened to have him arrested for statutory. That fight has created a rift between us to this day my Mom and I. In the end, we broke up because I didn't want to have sex with him. In looking back at it, he was somewhat immature and generally into dating high school girls, which seemed cool to me, a high school girl, at the time, but now I'm sort of like "what was he thinking?
If it were me, I'd wait and see what college brings her, assuming she'll ber more independent from her family, out on her own etc. On the off chance that she's the one for you, she'll still be there. Ok, good, my work here is done for those of you who are late to the game. Congreve posted by bilabial at 8: You don't want nothin' to do with this. Be nice, but be clear that she is too young for you to date. Recommend she date some young men nearer her own age.
Even without the "jailbait" angle, this guy could murder you or get a cop buddy to do it and get away with it. You could be shot while "resisting arrest" or something; not too long ago a cop in my city shot a guy in the back as he was running away "because he feared for his life". Try to stay out of jail. This means having a little sexual discipline, but it isn't like you can't touch each other. Try to take it very slow. She's really young and naive and her parents are divorced so she'll have some issues.
This is always essential when dating. Be open and honest with yours. Having a cop in the family is always good. What a bunch of whiners on this thread. Like age gaps never worked out in relationships. Check out the divorce rate. Being the same age never helped anyone. Wait until she is 18 to start dating her. If you fall in love for 'er and 'er and get married, it'll be a romantic story. I would run run run run from any grown man who dated a high school girl. If you don't, there are two things that will happen- you'll stay together until you die, or you'll break up.
If you fall in love He learned the valuable lesson that if you actually have to look up statutory rape laws in your area to make sure your relationship is legal, you really shouldn't be in that relationship. He didn't let it happen They've been married over 30 years now and have raised 3 great kids. I tried that with some one older than me once.
Turned out, I was in love and he just wanted to bang me. It is good to get perspective on intentions for all parties. Your question was, is it okay socially and legally for you date this girl?
The answer is no, and no. One thing I don't understand is why love keeps coming up. I don't know about you guys but I can't fall in love with someone after a month a month of not dating even.
I've only been in one relationship before this, it lasted five years and I'm not totally sure I was in love with her, as I have nothing to compare it too. FauxScot thank you for the kind words. I do somewhat pride myself on my logical more then emotional outlook on life, and thinking things through is just something I do it's just the way I am. Sadly I often over think things, and that as well has caused problems with past and possible relationships. Seriously don't do it. Even if for some really bizarre reason her parents are fine with it, that means they're fine with it now.
That doesn't mean they'll still be fine with it tomorrow or after a few weeks or after a few months. Take that thought even further, if they decide to press charges admittingly far-featched but still very possible, dad's a cop yo. You're a 21 year old man going after a 16 year old girl. Right or wrong, you have no defense. Seriously, don't do it. What matters greatly is the circumstances, mainly whether her parent s are likely to have you busted and declared a Sex Offender or not.
By the way, does it strike anybody else as stupid that consensual relations with a young woman who's legal in the next state can ruin someone's life, and that a lot of employers etc. Admittedly this sounds less likely than ruining your life by making sure you become a Registered Sex Offender, but still. My advice is don't do it because it's "wrong" it isn't or because it's illegal so's potbut don't do it because her father is a cop.
If you do insist on being involved with her then make sure you always drive the speed limit, never drink and drive, never possess any illegal substances, try to follow the letter of every law you can think of, and let her win every argument she thinks is important.
You'd basically be mortgaging your manhood and your sanity for fear she really will "Tell Daddy on you. Like jessamyn, I very briefly dated a year-old with whom I broke up because I didn't want to have sex.
I also dated a really, really nice guy who put the brakes on due to my age and always behaved appropriately. I remember him fondly, but while it seemed like a big deal at the time, I really just went out with him a couple of times right before I left for college. Looking back, echoing brittanie, I was more flattered by the attention than really interested.
The New Rules for Teen Dating
As for the age difference being a problem between just you and her, I don't think it would be fair to you or her to not give the relationship a chance based on that. You'll never know if it's a deal-breaker or not unless you let the relationship run it's course.
This applies to any conflict that comes up in the early parts of a relationship. I was 16 when I started by relationship with my fiance, who was In my state, the age of consent is 16, although I was 17 by the time we had intercourse.
I'm 17 right now, but will be 18 when I'm married So far my parents have taken my fiance very well, they both like him a lot and are confident he's doing his best to treat me well. His parents seem to be afraid that their son is taking advantage of a young, impressionable sixteen year old The first man I fell in love with I kept a secret the entirety of our relationship. I was 14 when it began and he was ten years older. There were many things wrong with our relationship, but I don't feel like the age difference was one of them.