The Pocket Psychologist: The Fear of Intimacy: Cat and Mouse Games in Relationships
Just like Tom and Jerry (the cartoon), Sujeiry plays a fun albeit dangerous game of cat and mouse while dating in Los Angeles. Question is. He won't play an elaborate game of cat and mouse with you – he'll just cut out the whole second date question over more than a day or two. I was doing the cat and mouse thing with a guy for several months. chase going on and sometimes the cat (person 1) nearly gets the mouse (person 2) and the.
Here is just a glimpse into some of the advice and basic strategies I recommend for the other woman. Men lie when they say it puts them off.
A part of them wants to win quickly getting or sleeping with a girl however, when he does he gets angry at himself at resents the girl for ruining his own prize. Men are competitive they want a challenge they want to know that the best man won. Think about his favorite sports event or that massive project he worked so hard for. He will remember and talk about for years why? Well, he researched information about it for days, brought material, spent time on it and looked after it.
He was proud of it because all his work paid off in the end. The same applies to women.Jonalyn Fincher: Cat and Mouse Romance - Stop Playing the Games [Biola University Chapel]
When most men are asked, they admit that they love it when girls play hard to get, it excites the hell out of them! Be warned not to overdo it, you want him to know you are still interested. Remember this should only be done if the guys worth it. She rarely gets dumped or cheated on. If one person is in, the other has to be out. I know he blames this on the women bailing on him, but he's the one calling you every time he's about to get married. Meanwhile, the kid will grow up to pine for people who abuse her and toy with the lives and emotions of others, because that's what the kid knows about love, having been taught lessons that on a fundamental level are never unlearned.
The kid may learn to act in a healthy and "drama-free" way but the pining, longing, and pain will always be there regardless of the outward behaviour.
But maybe it won't turn out like this. It's your choice to see how it plays out. Honestly, I'd say ignore most of the people here who are warning the guy a stalker, really?! You've known him for 20 years, you know him much better than anyone in this thread and probably much better than you think. I see a guy who's been crazy about you for years, yet has tried to move and have life. That life hasn't always worked out, yet he's tried to have his dream of a family and a kid.
Failing that, he now just has the kid, whom he's devoted to.
Playing hard to get… He likes the cat and mouse chase… | This Girls Got Game
Doesn't exactly sound like the next incarnation of Hitler, you know? You have a choice, obviously and I think you should give him a bit of time.
If you two are crazy about each other, then talk it out, agree upon some time frame say months, where you two try again, with the understanding that in the mean time he's trying to come to terms with the loss of his marriage. See how it goes.
Cat & Mouse Games Catan National Qualifier Preliminary 2
Don't put your life on hold exactly, but give him some time. I don't think you can really trust this person I admit I would be more worried if he'd phoned you just after he married. Counselling is a good first step and will take time. Secondly, if you become involved with this man, you will become involved with both his present, and his past.
Sometimes, when we're very attracted to people, we gloss over and accept things that may be very obvious red flags. That he spoke at length about his ex is the first. Do you want a relationship that includes all his baggage? You had the right answer, he needs to go sort himself out. In the meantime, it may help you to let him go. It may be very comfortable to think that you've known him for 20 years, but at the same time, there is a risk of codependency. From your perspective, the best thing may be to say goodbye for now, move forward with your life, and if he sorts himself out, re-evaluate in the future.
But here, there seems to be some value to the part of the metaphor that recognizes that the cat in part just enjoys chasing, and certainly does not necessarily value the particular mouse over all other mice, simply because he keeps up the chase.
Certainly, it could be that once he's handled what's going on in his life right now -- I think you know that while the timing is right for you singularit is not right for you plural -- he will be a candidate for a happy relationship.
But I also think you have to consider the possibility that he is the kind of guy who, at a restaurant, always wants what the guy at the next table is having. I hereby become the only person in history to quote the Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy Picture Perfect.
I think it's really important sometimes not to tell yourself that the length of the chase indicates how satisfying being caught is going to be. Sometimes, there's a reason something seems for 25 years like it might happen but it doesn't. You've now been approached in three different high-drama situations when you weren't available, when he was about to get married, and when he was just separated and traumatizedbut never in a low-drama situation.
That's not necessarily disqualifying, but it bears consideration. I think the most likely explanation is that this guy chases what he can't have, and that this isn't a promising situation. However, I do think there's a chance that this guy is acting in good faith, and is pursuing a feeling that is meaningful to him.
That his previous relationships were failures on their own terms, and that he has had feeling for you that have persisted over the years.
I really don't think it matters right now. Running with the possibility that this guy isn't just a ball of bad drama, there are things you remember about each other that are wonderful. But it sounds like these things are completely remembered, that you haven't actually had persistent contact through the years. Maybe he remebers this kind, beautiful girl that he never had the chance to see how things played out with. Maybe you remember him, and he was creative, or funny, or enthusiastic about life.
I bet you're still kind, and maybe he really was and still is that basically good person he was in high school.
But you've both changed and grown so much in the years since you've known each other. Changed in really important ways. Maybe you've changed in compatible ways, retaining the qualities you both have been drawn back to each other by. You just don't know that yet. So you might not need to cut him out of your life absolutely yet. You just need to be really, really careful.
You need to get to know each other again, and you need to do that in a healthy space. And he's not in a healthy space right now. Maybe he's unhealthy because he's an unstable drama bomb who pines over his fantasy of perfection. Maybe he's unhealthy because he's dealing with a huge change and breakup in his life.
Either way, I think your best step here is to be out of contact with him for a few months, at least. If this is a good thing, if it's genuine on both sides, then this will give him a chance to recover and balance out. If he's bad news, it will probably become more apparent. Pay attention to any red flags. Proceed slowly and carefully, and if it truly feels safe you will get to know each other again. And you'll be in a place to make a better decision. And you'll feel a lot better about this huge thing in your life that feels so unresolved.
Good luck, be safe. By 12th grade, I had a boyfriend and after graduation I moved for college. He contacted me several times over the years but it was usually the same situation, I was in a relationship or another city. He's not an insane stalker -- he's had the same friends since elementary school, very close relationships to his primary family, has lived within 10 miles of his childhood home his entire life and is an upstanding member of the community.
In fact, these are many of the qualities that attract me to him, he feels like home. We have some shared history, we have very similar socio-economic values and beliefs, I believe he has a lot of integrity yes, he had cold feet about his marriage but, as mentioned above, he never once contacted me while he was married.
And keep in mind, the mother of his child had an affair and left him -- not the other way around and he's devastated. For the first time, we're living in the same city and I've been single for over a year which is good timing for me but clearly it has to be good timing for both of us. As far as "baggage" goes, I think all adults have histories.
I'm thrilled that he has a child as I have none of my own and feel ready, willing, and able to be a step parent if that opportunity were to arise. I haven't spoken to him for three days we were speaking everyday and it's already given me a lot of clarity -- as have all of your comments. There's no fire here. We don't have to be together right this very minute. I think we could talk one or two times a week.
And see how he's feeling in a few months or a year. In the mean time I just need to keep doing all the things I'm doing. The thing is, if he's that great a person, why would you ask something like I have no choice but to just get on with my life right? If the answer is he just needs some time and you have to take it slowly, why put it like this?
The longest cat and mouse game - Exes healing | Ask MetaFilter
He was never married to the mother of his child. She bailed a month before the wedding set for 5 months ago. We've been on half a dozen dates and on each date the ex comes up in some way shape or form the most egregious was a three-hour conversation where it became clear that he couldn't figure out why she prefers to sleep on friend's couches than be in her home with a man who loves her and her 3 year old child.
So it's not that he's some monster. And I am at a point in my life where my career is established, my life is in order, and my number one priority right now is creating a primary family of my own.
My dilemma is whether I'm getting in the way of my goals by pining for an unavailable man or whether I'm being impatient with what could be the right man. You're totally right though -- I haven't done an excellent job of presenting this in a coherent way.
My apologies posted by GIRLesq at 9: In both cases, the guy, while not evil or malicious, has wasted years and years of their lives. The women in question never allowed themselves to be fully committed to or present in any romantic relationship, because they were always holding out for the guy, even when he got married. Both of these women were called by the guy right before his wedding. One had woken up and cut the guy out of her life, and she's happy now. The other has not, and she's not.
It's clear, from the answers that you have marked as best, what you want to do here.
This Girls Got Game
I'd just like to gently point out that you want to keep doing the same thing you've been doing for 20 years. Where has it gotten you so far? Seriously seems like too much dramatic bait and switch, but maybe that's just my taste. If you can't date him casually, don't date him at all.
Because she's "crazy about him", they're both finally single at the same time and have actually gone on dates. Yet he is still reeling from the mother of his child rejecting and toying with him.
She's soooo close and yet so far, hence the frustration. Good luck GIRLesq and let us know how things go, please. AskMe threads stay open for year hint, hint. It wasn't clear to me why she'd decide to go no contact with him unless she was afraid of him, nor why she would ask us to tell her to go no contact with him unless she expected us to see him as dangerous.
He's still stuck on the strange finale with his last partner, so she's content to be a soloist for a bit. But even when they hang out as friends, they start fiddlin' with each other.
But again, she doesn't want to play second fiddle, so she was wondering if she had to keep away from him, before they become an dysfunctional orchestra.
The "problem" isn't that he's so bad, but rather that he's so good that resisting the pull is difficult. It's more like after being pursued for so long, I finally see the light and am ready - but I have some fear that his ex will return or that he won't be truly available for years.
And I know a player when I see one. He's always been the guy that wanted a serious relationship, a family. He's not saying the same thing to other women. I was the one who wanted to travel the world and have a career and now it's done and I want to be home. And it's such a powerful connection that it's scary.
Frankly, it's easier to walk away and not be vulnerable. The hard thing - and what I am starting to realize I have to do - is be the one to put myself out there. Take the chance of being rejected like he has done for me so many times before. Go forth in courage. Set a time limit for how much faffing you will tolerate.